Ho-Ho-Horses!

Behind the scenes at the 2008 Christmas pony photo shoot

or
how I almost got killed (twice) taking goofy pictures of my horses

I like to think I treat my horses with respect, but like any doting mama, I want nice photos of the kidz for the holidays. I had planned on doing the annual photo session sometime over the long weekend with the help of the ever-patient Mr. Fry. However, the weather and his schedule were not in sync, and I realized I was going to have to make it happen by myself. I really didn't want to be in the pictures anyway, it's just easier if someone's holding them, and you have more control over the background.

Step One
Make sure the subjects are clean and looking their best. This took much longer than I anticipated. We had just enough rain last week to make it sloppy. Poco hides the grunge pretty well, but Jaz lets the truth be known. He wasn't just dirty, he was caked with mud, pretty much from head to foot. He had mud in his ears! He either rolled in it or lost his footing during some spirited play. It took a rubber curry, a fine tooth curry and two different brushes just to get the chunks out. It was too cold to hose them down. They got their faces washed and their manes and tails baby oiled. Of course, as soon as Poco shook, he became Wildman Rockstar again, just like a kid with a cowlick.

Step Two
Choose the location. Because I had to do it myself, I tried to find a place where I could tie them but where you wouldn't see so much of the lead ropes and other background crap. The fence is too high and I would have had to climb to the other side. I thought about the round pen, which is the right height, but not sturdy enough to withstand their fidgeting.

Stupid Human Trick #1 or What the Hell Was I Thinking?
I know! Mike's flatbed trailer! I could tie them to the front bar, then I could get on it and crouch down, getting just their heads. The trailer is red, so if the front bar was visible, no big deal.

This trash bag was on the trailer, weighted down over top of what I think is the power pack to the hot fence. Shouldn't be a problem — it's not going anywhere, right?

Wrong! It was very windy (gusts to 45mph), so both horses were already jumpy. And I somehow completely forgot that Jaz has this thing about anything black — he'll spook at black water main covers, black tar road patches, etc. I tied him to that front bar, the wind caught a small corner of the bag, and he wigged. He actually plowed the trailer several feet (look at the skid mark) before I could safely release him.

By default, it was going to have to be the hitching post. In retrospect, I should have shut the garage door and put up all the grooming supplies, etc., but by this time, the Boyz were getting restless on top of being super spooky. You know that window of good behavior you get when you dress the kids up and haul them to the Sears Portrait Studio the day after Thanksgiving? That window was closing fast.

Step Three
The hats. I took the antler headband things from last year's photos and pulled the hats on over them. That left desensitizing the Boyz to the hats and the bells right by their ears. Not very hard, since the headbands sit in the same place as their halters.

Step Four
Shoot!

OK Boyz, smile! Jaz, honey, look at mama. And fix your hat!

Jaz, sweetie, don't stick your tongue out. Fix your hat!

C'mon Boyz, it's Christmas. Look happy! Jaz, baby, fix your hat.

Guys, if you don't cooperate, Santa won't bring you those new halters. Jaz. Fix. Your. Hat.

Poco! Stop antagonizing your brother! JAZU! FIX YOUR @#*% HAT!

As good as it gets.

Stupid Human Trick #2 or What the Hell Was I Thinking? (er, again)
I decided I wanted a really close shot of Poco's eye. Except I forgot to turn off the flash. I'm lucky I didn't get trampled. What a freakin' idiot I am.

I'm sure the Boyz are very glad this nonsense is over for another year.